Aunt Ida’s Recipes For Disaster – Noxious Spicy Soup

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Welcome to the first edition of Aunt Ida’s Recipes for Disaster.  As you may know I was recently cleaning and organizing the garage when a vaguely familiar looking, old wooden box covered in cobwebs and dust caught my attention.  It contained sheets of looseleaf paper and 3×5 index cards that had yellowed with age with faded, barely readable hand writing.  Could it be?  What I had in my hands was astounding since I thought these gems were long lost over 40 years ago!  My parents wanted me out of the city during the summers, so as a kid I spent many of them at Aunt Ida’s small truck farm and soon learned that she was big on prevention, a meticulous organizer and a stickler for detail as she taught me each recipe.  She was ahead of her time as she created little waste by recycling what ever she could back into the farm.  Each recipe is crafted and written so they can be professionally executed by the beginner as well as the expert.

TODAY’S FEATURED RECIPE NOXIOUS SPICY SOUP  –  This dicey, gaseous soup, served cold helps begin each work day as an accident waiting to happen while trying to find what you need to complete a task in the unorganized mess puts you behind schedule or in the E.R.

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Prep time: 0 why bother      Cook time:  Various      Yield: Respiratory failure, burns, death, fire and explosion.

Ingredients:  2-3 assorted unlabeled containers – contents unknown, 1-2 unlabeled spray bottles – contents unknown, 1- liquid cleaner, 2- solvents, 2- assorted liquid chemicals, 1-2 flammable liquids, 2- pesticides, assorted powdered cleansers, 1- jar lubricant, 1- fire extinguisher with blocked access and NO SDS (safety data sheets).  Oily rags (optional).

Directions:  In an enclosed area that does NOT have proper ventilation combine ingredients by spilling contents from unlabeled containers and allow to marinate with flammable liquids and other chemicals so they can react with each other producing poisonous vapors.  It is also possible that the proper combination of liquids will create an explosion or fire instead.  If you have time and immediate disaster is not required, allow unknown liquids to marinate in a unsuitable container, eventually the container will leak on it’s own.  At no time should the use of PPE such as safety glasses, rubber gloves or apron be used when handling as this will curb your productivity.  Should you spill any ingredients on yourself Do Not use an eyewash station or shower as this will only dilute solution (most of them are out of operation anyway) and render it useless creating waste.  It is not worth the time to store items in a metal fireproof cabinet since you’ll need them eventually.

If you enjoy a little more spice in your soup follow directions above but make sure you are very close to a source of ignition.  A spark may do but an open flame will ensure a explosion of flavor.

When ever working with flammable liquids, chemicals, cleaners and other cleansers use caution.  Stored in clearly labeled properly rated containers.  Keep work area organized, clear and clean up any spills immediately.  At work store flammables in a metal fireproof cabinet and only use in a well ventilated area.  Always use proper PPE.  At home make sure the cabinet is childproofed.  Anything that is not labeled or identifiable should be properly disposed of immediately. Most cities have centers where you can drop them off.  Never pour down the drain or sewer.  If you have any questions on workplace safety please don’t hesitate to contact me at warehouseflow.com

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